when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Everything about him screamed your future.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
