someone owes me an orgasm
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
