3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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