Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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