Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
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He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
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What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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