i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize