Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
