Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
