I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I would ride that face into the sunset
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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