I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
