you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
