i love accidental penises.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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