Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i think i scared a bird with my dick
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
