I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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