For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
