shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Randomize
