so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
