every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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