i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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