What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i need some magic done to my vagina
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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