If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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