Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
