As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
