girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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