Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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