I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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