I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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