naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
