My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
