Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Iโm pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. Whatโs up?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
