please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize