Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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