I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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