I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so let's talk penis.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
