Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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