after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
