I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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