Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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