careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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