I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
