I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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