I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
