thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
