I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
