Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
