u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
