Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
