So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I wish there were birth control emojis
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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