Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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