if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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