how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
