Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
