I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
