By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
