Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
