Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
