dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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