Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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