Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
no, he came in my armpit
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
