he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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