some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
