i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
