new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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