This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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