someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
