What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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