don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
it's like heaven, but drunker
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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