I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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