How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
