got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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