I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
