Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
