you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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