Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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