I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
